There are a few habits that I am trying to build into my day-to-day life right now as a part of my sabbatical (discussed in my last email below):

My da…

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The outcome was that I was taking a sabbatical (whatever that means).

In this email, I’ve fleshed out and added some structure to those thoughts from nearly a month ago.

The email is linked below for convenience.

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1/4 Medium Is A Ponzi Scheme

Disillusionment and fatigue were the themes for this week. I’m sure I’m not the only one.

This was partial…

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I’ve moved from Mexico to the US and got a puppy. The holiday deadzone between Xmas and New Year’s left me reeling and more tired than before, despite zero alcohol and bed by 9 or 10 pm at the latest.

This topped off a whirlwind of a year after going all in on writing. Perhaps I’m just tired from that.

There was a lot …

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To support my writing, subscribe to my Substack below. Supporters get access to all emails, the full archive, and the soon-to-be-released HIAX Guides.

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To support my writing, subscribe to my Substack below. Supporters get access to all emails, the full archive, and the soon-to-be-released HIAX Guides.

Subscribe now

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I suggested that procrastination came from doing things for the wrong reasons and theoretically if you were aligned and doing what you loved you wouldn’t procrastinate.

I got a fascinating reply to the email suggesting that maybe I was just avoiding difficulty by doing this.

I…

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To support my writing, subscribe to my Substack below. Supporters get access to all emails, the full archive, and the soon-to-be-released HIAX Guides.

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To support my writing, subscribe to my Substack below. Supporters get access to all emails, the full archive, and the soon-to-be-released HIAX Guides.

Subscribe now

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Stripe has put my account on ice over something super dumb and I’m working to resolve it. This, along with a load of other life stressors means that I have put a pause to all paid subscriptions until at least the new year.

If you are a monthly subscriber no more payments will come out for the momen…

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To support my writing, subscribe to my Substack below. Supporters get access to all emails, the full archive, and the soon-to-be-released HIAX Guides.

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The move to Substack is more or less complete.

The good news is that I have pretty much organized the first HIAX Guide on Health here - as well as all the articles listed out in order, I’ve also shared all the resources I’ve accumulated over the last few years including the tracking spreadsheet and the blood testing guide.

The less good news is that since moving from ConvertKit (and changing the address I’m sending emails from), fewer people are getting the email <sad face>. Also, it appears that SubStack randomly emails people, with my newsletter recommendations for example - to stop that you have to unsubscribe from Substack notifications as it has nothing to do with me!

Onto the email…

Today is a reflection on success and the balance between striving for goals/delaying gratification… and going with the flow/living in the moment.

I love goals but I know that I have a tendency to be ‘all or nothing’ - I can’t just stop if there is more that can be done. However, I am wondering more and more whether finding a balance here is the key to happiness…

Setting goals feels good - but is it just cheap dopamine and distracting us from flowing and enjoying life

I am continually battling between the need for goals and the desire to go with the flow.

What I mean is, that setting and hitting goals is not the goal of life. I know this because I’ve set and hit a lot of them and it hasn’t done it for me.

When I set a new goal I feel the familiar dark energy - that desperation and anxiety - “Will I, won’t I?”, “What does it mean if I don’t hit it?”, “What will people think of me?” “What will *I* think of me?”, “Is there any point to it?”, “Why am I doing it?”

And this doubt and insecurity is inevitably interspersed with feelings of being on top of the world and being able to conquer anything.

I think it was Alex Hormozi who said something along the lines of “All of the most successful people have both a push (away from failure and fear) and a pull (towards achievement and success) driving them forward.”

So, I’ve hit the goal - then what?

This is great and all and it does the job of driving me forward for sure.

But then what?

Then I hit the goal - there is a moment of euphoria, far too quickly followed by the pain and hollowness that settles in until I choose the next goal… and back on the rollercoaster I go.

In my experience, the less time between hitting one goal and setting the next one, the more likely that goal is to be arbitrary and reactive.

This is because the reason for that next goal is to fill a hole. To get rid of the pain of not having a goal. Not because I care about it or it is in any way meaningful (beyond the façade created to give it meaning).

This means that the goal is usually mimetic or externally influenced rather than being something that will actually bring me fulfillment this time around.

It’s not my goal - just something that is deemed worthy by society.

The endless cycle of distraction

Is this a problem? To endlessly chase pointless goals? Isn’t everything pointless anyway? We’re on a rock floating through space in a universe with an expiry date, after all…

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I received a message this week in response my last email. The individual was making really big moves in their health and they were on a great trajectory in life. Stuff like this makes me glow inside.

They then said that although they were winning they didn't think they were Ultrawinning yet.

It wasn’t even said in a negative way - the message was full of …

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PURSUIT OF ALIGNMENT

For those of you who know me or follow me on Instagram, you may have seen the tattoos on my arm - well, I've been setting an annual intention for the last few years. 2021 was 'Acceptance of the pain of growth', and 2022 was 'Effortless Flow.

The idea is that after setting the intention, reflecting on it, refining it, and then ultimate…

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To me, alignment is the process of living in integrity with your true self. It is being able to stand entirely behind every action you take without doubt or fear because you are so certain of who you are.

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Table of Contents

1. Client Tracking Spreadsheet

2. Exercise Library Videos

3. Blood Testing Guide

4. Health Evolved Podcast (Over 30 hours of weekly lectures that I used to give to my private clients).

5. Inspiration (Hero Videos)

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First, a bit of background.

Fueled by fear and caffeine

I originally went to medical school in the UK straight from high school. I completed it and after 6 years I started working as a doctor. This was entirely on auto-pilot. A case of doing what was expected of me and not really thinking about it.

After a few years, I started to feel a dissatisfaction so I decided to leave to figure out what I really wanted to do. This led me to entrepreneurship — a worthy cause for sure.

Leaving a medical career is not something that is done lightly and traveling around the world, making piles of cash was exciting.

However, I know now that my initial driver was fear. And it was potent and even exhilarating.

The last thing I wanted to do was go back to my old life and so I was terrified of this eventuality. This drove me forward.

Then in 2021 once I achieved financial security— all of my motivation suddenly disappeared.

This left me confused and given that my business was making good money, I trundled on for another year or so, using ever-increasing amounts of coffee and Adderall to fuel my efforts and get me through the days.

Dark Energy

Here’s the thing — stimulants like caffeine are more powerful than we give them credit for. They provide us with a ‘dark energy’, similar to that provided by fear or the desire to prove someone to someone. This energy allows us to do things we are indifferent to or even actively dislike.

Think about the office worker doing a job they hate, using coffee to get through the day and then alcohol and cheap dopamine to offset the anxiety and get through the evening.

Caffeine also has the ability to give an inflated meaning to whatever is in front of us, regardless of why we’re doing that thing and so a few months ago I decided to give up stimulants. They were pushing me to burn out and I wanted to operate in a fundamentally different way.

Cheap dopamine is the answer

I asked myself “What would I CHOOSE to do each day if I didn’t have coffee?”

I no longer had fear to drive me forward.

I had freed myself from the external validation that I got from making money.

Now, I no longer had caffeine to allow me to bludgeon through whatever was put in front of me.

Initially, I felt totally lost, immediately reaching for cheap dopamine to distract myself from the discomfort.

My self-worth was entirely based on what I was doing or achieving and suddenly that had been taken away.

This was an identity crisis in the most fundamental form.

I literally didn’t know what to do with myself.

Potential solutions?

On sharing these feelings I realized that perhaps this crisis of meaning and purpose was more widespread than I thought.

In fact, I had also stumbled across this concept in a few books I’d read in the past though at the time the information was not relevant so hadn’t stuck.

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